Of bits and a little more | rivermaiden's Blog

They are there on the social networking site ..only he isint. The ones that hurt him. And I cant see his endearing smile or the witty lines that used to pop up from time to time on the screen anymore.

Why did I ever hurt the ones I did? Didnt I know how it feels? And why did they hurt him? Why him? Why on earth? At least I deserved some of my pain, he never ever did. Why cant I bear it,so much so that instead of supporting him I need to stay away.

The words came out all wrong I told him I wish I could heal him. I couldnt tell him I cant bear to see him in pain. I cant be in love but its not sympathy either but then thats what he thinks, that I feel bad for him. I couldnt .. couldnt ...just couldnt tell him. The words never came out. Tears did. But the right words never formed no matter how many times how hard I tried.

I wish I could heal a bit, I wish I could love a bit.. bit yes a bit.. he asked me whats a bit...or why a bit? lol how would he ever know how much much it takes to say the bit part let alone more. I have known 'more' , explored the depths of 'more' and 'more' scares me. What if my 'more' brings more pain, messes up and fails to heal? What if 'more' is not good enough?

I am okay with a bit, I am okay with letting go. But I'm not okay with his struggles. Let him start over, and be happy.  The scars would fade away in time, would he remember me then? I guess I will never know. Unanswered questions dont keep me awake any longer. Only his anguish does.

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Previous Posts
get burnt but dont burn another, posted November 7th, 2012
Of bits and a little more, posted November 7th, 2012
The Spectator, posted November 4th, 2012
Sex - lots of it and the lack of it, posted October 30th, 2012
The strayed hermit, posted October 30th, 2012
When you miss the train I'm on, posted October 30th, 2012

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